If you love something, set it free.
I have loved and let go not once but twice this week.
It has felt horrible but there is also a cleansing purity to it. Closing a door means something else is bound to open, right?
The ex-boyfriend just proposed and got engaged, and so I wished him well in this life. I sincerely mean that. I want the absolute best for him, and since this appears to be the way in which he'll get that, I look forward to our happy reunion in Heaven one day. In the meantime, my little heart can't bear to see him with someone else. Does that make me weak? Yes, it probably does. But interestingly, this was the first time in my life where I actually let myself feel and respond to JEALOUSY. God has spared me of that emotion my entire life, but now I have experienced it. Thank you, God, for letting me carry this cross.
Then tonight I had dinner at a certain someone's house, and--after what was probably an hour-long calibrating conversation--we decided NOT to pursue a relationship, putting to end a dance that has gone on between us for over a year.
I have been praying for about a year now to have "no complacency" in my life, and God has certainly delivered. To avoid being complacent is not to contradict one's desire to be content. I desire to be content with my life in every one of its unique stages, and it is for that contentment that I pray. But I hope that I never become complacent, because to become so would be to neglect my own needs, the needs of others, and my utter dependence on Almighty God.
And it is this desire to not be complacent that has allowed myself new experiences in the last 6 months or so, these being active decisions that are shaping the present and thus obviously the future. I am keeping the pot well-stirred, I believe, and this is letting me see everything that's in it.
Thank you, God, for keeping me from complacency. Please now help me to be content!
