There is a ringing in my ears, the kind you hear only when everything around you is utter silence.I hear it now because I have finally realized that I have been in this performance all by myself. I was the only ballerina left dancing, but I hadn't noticed I was alone.
I had leaped out onto the stage with a bright smile and the spotlight in my eyes, believing that surely there was an audience of people with goodness in their minds, smiles on their faces, and hope in their hearts.
But the concert hall I have been performing in all these years has always been vacant. Even the music was all in my head. Something happened tonight that finally, finally made me notice what I have been trying not to. I am absolutely, unequivocally ALONE.
I haven't realized it for so long because I had so much joy in my heart for the love of this dance. That is what a ballerina does, you know. With every pirouette, she feels encouraged. With every sissonne ouverte, she feels needed. With every curtsy, she feels loved.
But my theater is empty. And no one saw my dance. I have exited the stage, and there is no one to bring me flowers. Congratulations, nay-sayers, for you have finally convinced me that the ballet does not exist anywhere else but inside my heart.
