I think I am finally ready to tell you, dear reader, about an aspect of my life that I have kept private for the last two years. Only my closest friends have known it, and even then, I didn't start speaking of it to them until a year had passed in order to first let myself grow comfortable with the idea.
The thing I am ready to tell you is this:
On June 22, 2007, I made a pledge to Our Lady to "not make any major decisions" for 3 years. I had felt she was calling me to make this promise for several years before it, but I always ignored her. It was a gentle urging that I felt within my heart, but it was much easier to be caught up in the goings-on of my own will than to be worried about God's.
But at age 28, during a moment of particular despair (and thanks to my Heavenly Mother's constant reminders of her Son), I finally caved. If I was going to make this 3-year commitment, I figured, I ought to do it right away in order to complete it sooner. I would be 31 when it finished, after all, which is much too old already.
I first heard about this pledge back in 2002, when I was reading everything I could about Our Lady's appearances in Medjugorje, Bosnia-Hercegovia. To the privileged few she was appearing to, she asked for a 3-year commitment to her Son, where each would sacrifice their decision-making and dedicate 3 years of their lives to quiet contemplation of what God might want for them. As the visionaries each started prayer groups, the members of those groups were encouraged to take the same pledge of quiet discernment.
This is why, dear reader, I have dated but taken no boyfriend; I have loved but have taken no action; I have desired dreams but have taken no step toward them; and, I have grown but continue to wait.
I have only 1 year and 3 months to go, and I am excited to reach the conclusion. Our Blessed Mother has made it easy for me to keep my commitment to Our Lord by giving me little inconveniences or sadnesses along the way, and from this I am reminded that -- no matter how sad, confusing, or exciting life might become -- there will eventually be answers. One day I will know God's will for my life because He will show me when the time is right.
In the meantime, I will continue to cultivate the soil beneath me, excitedly wondering what seeds have fallen and when they will sprout.