Up until last night, I couldn't explain why some wonderful men in my life--who are handsome and solidly put together (sometimes with solid values or, at other times, with solid muscles)--are not more appealing to me.Why is it that I will often reject he who appears to be a suitable suitor?
This has nothing to do with traditional societal norms of who's good-looking and who's not. Instead, I'm talking about chemistry here.
It's the same chemistry that sparks teenage love and that warms up the elderly couple holding hands in the nursing home. You know precisely what I'm talking about. It's either there or it's not. And it's either within one person, both, or neither.
So why is it that I click with one man but not another?
I always THOUGHT I knew the answer to this question, but I never vocalized it because I thought people would think my thesis was preposterous or--at worse--self-righteous.
But then I was having dinner with Christie and Barb last night, and--as we sat up high upon bistro chairs at a new fancy restaurant--Christie informed us of a delightful new study that's come out. It's about the science behind sex and attraction. My ears perked.
Of course we all know about pheromones, those invisible, sometimes scentless molecules that swim the air, leading people to either be attracted to or repelled by one another. Some cheesy fragrance makers even discuss the merits of synthetic pheromones being in their product's ingredients.
When I first learned about pheromones in high school, it was from this guy who was trying to convince me not only to purchase his DJ mix tape but also that his new cologne could attract any woman he wanted. Yawn.
Then, sometime around the same time, I happened to read in a woman's magazine that guys crunching on fresh celery are particularly attractive to women because the molecules released into the air by a snapping stalk of celery are similar to that which a man produces. Tasty.
But before you men out there run for the crisper drawer in your refrigerator to attract the woman of your dreams, Christie's big-reveal might interest you more.
She said that the television program she watched (that had a sex behavior specialist on it) explained that hormone levels fluctuate between persons and that compatible persons' combined "chemistry set" together form some sort of good union that will be biologically beneficial for their offspring.
It's an innate thing, the kind that we can't articulate fully. So somehow, when I'm attracted to Mr. A. instead of Mr. B., it's because my DNA knows that it's gonna pair of up with his DNA and produce better offspring than it would with the latter.
It doesn't have to do with physical appearance, remember. It has to do with chemical levels and hormones. And these are the things which then CAUSE physical attraction. Many people mistakenly think it's the other way around.
Christie said that--in this particular study--photographs of various women were taken at different times during their monthly cycle. And when those photos were shown to their corresponding husbands, those men were more attracted to their wife's photo when she happened to be fertile and ovulating. Isn't that beautiful? But of course the men didn't know this; it was an innate, biological thing that happened naturally, for the benefit of the offspring and the continuation of the species.
Christie explained that I should schedule all future "first dates" to take place when I am fertile or ovulating because it is at those times when my body produces the pheromones that will attract. But, interestingly, my pheromones will only attract the kind of men with whom I will have real chemistry (and thus healthy offspring).
This is why, she said, I ought to avoid wearing perfume if I want to attract the right man for me. According to the research, wearing perfumes and colognes (which are meant to act as pheromones) causes mixed-up match-ups and might be the reason why so many couples get together that shouldn't and why others never click and stick.
So what I suspected long ago is actually true! Attraction is 100% chemistry based on hormone levels, and it's all done for the benefit of our potential offspring, without our express understanding or knowledge.
I tend to be a girl who changes her fragrance daily, and perhaps this is why I attract men who don't stick around. Our signals are getting all crossed and confused! So now I shall wear nothing and see who I can attract.
