Friday, January 01, 2010

The Puzzle Pieces Reveal Unexpected Healings

When Shawn comes over, we rip apart our lives.

He spills the confusion of his life onto my living room floor, and I attempt to piece it together and make sense of it somehow.

Then I spill my puzzle pieces onto the kitchen floor. He looks at how the chips have fallen and gives me advice as I reassemble.

We analyze every detail, turn over every stone, and ultimately search for God in the mix of it all. I thank God for the friendship I have with Shawn. (He even kinda looks like the dude pictured at left!)

Tonight, through our conversation, he helped me to discover that--in the last two weeks or so--I have been healed of so many things which caused me great torment before. Without naming them, I can quickly count four distinct burdens that were lifted from my back. It is as if a few scabs fell off me and I was surprised to find baby soft, totally new skin beneath. :)

And then he pointed out to me how much I have changed, even in just the last few months. God has clearly brought about the growth and healing that I begged Him for previously.

All this finds my heart inadequate of being able to thank God with the profundity with which He deserves. How can that which had labored me so tormentingly suddenly heal with the quickness of a hiccup? How do I even begin to thank Him for this grace when it has fallen upon me so unexpectedly and peacefully? Why are my expressions of thanksgiving not nearly as passionate as my previous cries for help? O, how inadequate I feel to express my gratitude! And oh, how sorry I feel that God does not receive as much thankfulness from me as He did my cries of sadness. I pray for the capacity to show my thankfulness even more so as to make Him happier!

All these healings of which I speak have everything to do with the past. This discovery, on the first of a new year, is delightful. And it speaks to what my dear friend Anne told me a few days ago: that God is churning up my past in order to heal all wounds and prepare me for a future.

He is working in me, and He is preparing me for something which I do not yet fully know. Finally, I feel like the watch who is in the loving hands of the watchmaker or the car who is in the shop for a tune-up.

You have healed me, Lord, and you are continuing to do so. Please continue your work!