Today I begin a 54-Day Rosary Novena in a final act of faith as I push toward the conclusion of my Marian Promise.
This June 22nd will mark the end of a 3-year commitment of giving my heart to my God.
Ashamedly, I will admit that I did everything possible to avoid making this promise. For years, I ignored the gentle knocking in my heart. I chose to date as I wished, thinking that I could find true love in my own pursuits.
But, somehow, I didn't find the authentic love of man.
And so, somehow, I agreed to the promise.
And, somehow, Our Lady helped me to stick to it.
The authentic love of only one Man would be found while I was in it, and this love was to be held onto for a lifetime.
Our Lady helped me stay committed to this promise even when I didn't want to. By this I mean that she would gently remove from my life any man in which I had the least bit of interest, asking me to focus instead on her Son. Either his heart would change or my heart would change, but either way, off he would go. Sadness would remain with me...until I reminded myself that things were supposed to feel this way and happen like this until my promise ended.
Throughout these 3 years, I needed constant reminders of focusing only on Him again and again. And He permitted great joys and great sorrows during these 3 years. I failed miserably in my efforts to not think of romantic love and the vocation of marriage, but God, in His mercy, has been so kind to me. When I finish this race, I know that He will celebrate a victory with me, even though I have failed Him so horribly throughout it.
It is like a runner finishing a race in LAST place, but her Father is so happy that she ran it, that He stands at the finish line, ready to embrace her with the same joy as if she were the first!
I am crying now, as I think about the many times and ways in which I have so easily let my heart be distracted from loving God with my whole heart, for I wanted to be completely smitten with only Him, not worrying and therefore trusting totally that He will provide me with the eyes to see my husband when the time is right.
But you know what? I am smitten with Him. I am distracted from all other men with the prospects of this one man called Jesus. He has captivated my heart, and this is why I have no room to love another, at least not in the romantic sense right now.
Please pray for me that this 54-day Rosary novena may be a quiet time, no longer of waiting, but instead of savoring every moment that I have left alone with Him.