Saturday, November 15, 2008

Where am I going with this life?

Sometimes I worry that I'm destined to be die alone some day in an apartment somewhere, an old lady with only the company of a random pet or two.

I worry about this because I am an only child...and I'm a 29-year-old single girl who's been humbled with the realization that she hasn't got the foggiest clue about how to notice, attract, and keep the attention of Mr. Right.

For the many nice guy friends I have, you would think I would understand the male species better. But I don't. I find them to be incredibly inconsistent and thoroughly confusing. Somehow the weird picture above resonates with me. It's how I feel, treading through the confusing Land of Men, with no place for my heart to call home and only the love of my precious white doves to give me hope.

It could be argued that I shouldn't worry about a life of lonesomeness because I've got a jolly ring of friends surrounding me. And while I am blessed for the friendships I have, the faces seem to always be changing...which is, you see, both a blessing and a curse.

Inevitably, family always comes first...and so, as I see my friends marrying and having children, I see them investing in a future that I sadly can't relate to.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive tonight because I just got back from a beautiful wedding shower that myself and six other bridesmaids planned for our dear friend Lija. Or maybe it's because I skipped going to a local hip-hop show tonight simply because I didn't want the prospects of running into the exboyfriend and his new girl. Or maybe it's because I'm home now with nothing to do on a Saturday night except for the ugly pile of paperwork that sits like a monster on my desk. Or maybe it's because of something else entirely, which I won't share on this blog. It's probably a combination of all of them.