i can't believe myself.i'm not going to a party tonight that i know would be tons of fun.
i'm choosing to stay home. i'm choosing to be sad. i'm choosing to not advocate for my own happiness or self-worth.
i'm hurting friendships, yet powerless to care.
at times like these, the world closes in upon me. or perhaps it is the opposite, that i block the whole world out.
either way, it doesn't matter. almost nothing matters to me at this moment. all I can see is Jesus, and He is suffering anyhow.
the screaming silence of lonesomeness pierces my heart, and yet i have stopped being able to really feel the pain, because if i did, i would do something about it.
but i do nothing.
i do nothing because i do not care. i try to fall asleep, and when sleep doesn't come upon me, i write this stupid blog. where has my childhood happiness gone? i seem to have lost it when i turned 29.
i ache. but nothing like Jesus does.
