Forget my last blog. It was a bunch of hogwash.If I believe in Jesus (which I do), then by default, I must believe that He will fulfill the deepest desires of my heart.
My faith is strong enough to believe in God even if everyone around me should lose belief, and so it follows suit that I should be called to believe in something even when circumstances make that something appear more and more unlikely.
If my deepest desires are marriage and family life (which they certainly are), then I can only conclude that He put it there for a reason, and it WILL come to pass.
And I won't just say this. I must live it.
A lot of people say that the moment you stop searching for that perfect someone, you will suddenly find him. I have never liked that idea because it implies that the search for love is not noble and is instead selfish. It also implies that to seek love is to be desperate or perhaps to find oneself incapable of being a whole person by oneself. I believe none of those things.
If you really know love, then you would understand that—by its very nature—it always searches and is always selfless. God, who is Love, searches for us constantly. A husband and wife should search for and seek each other out all the days of their lives, no matter how hectic a day may be. And love should always be given with a spirit of selfishness. Furthermore, husbands and wives should love each other so much that they crave each other’s happiness, and by that they are desperate to love and to see the other person’s happiness fulfilled.
I believe firmly in God, and now I will believe in the next way He is asking me to: I will believe firmly in my husband.
I know he exists because my faith tells me so. What I don't know is when God will present him to me, but I do trust that the timing will be utterly perfect. It has to be because anything of God's will is always perfect.
Perhaps I already know of him. Maybe he's a colleague. Or someone I see quite often. Or maybe he is on the periphery of my Facebook friend list. Or maybe I haven't even met him yet.
Where he is at this moment doesn't matter as much as when God will present him to me. And the presentation doesn't just mean that he will stand before me finally able to love me; it will mean much more than just a physical proximity because perhaps we already have that now.
Instead, scales will be lifted from my eyes, not because I should have seen him before, but because God--in His infinite mercy--knew that it wasn't time for me to see him yet, nor him me.
I drove past my beloved house for 8 years before God actually gave me the eyes and heart to see, receive, and appreciate this gift. And while I thought the house was cute, certainly I never thought it would be mine one day. I admired the house from a distance and never thought it would ever be presented to me. And in those 8 years, there was plenty of time where I cruised right past it, too busy to even notice it.
I did the same with my job, another huge aspect of my life. For my first four years working as a support instructor at the middle school, I was walking past my future classroom and my future profession as a math teacher every single day, completely oblivious to the fact that God should light within my heart an insatiable desire to teach the very subject that I once hated.
So time isn't so linear after all, is it?
Indeed, we are all probably just encircling around God at the center, at times falling away and at times coming closer to Him, but always orbiting Him and His will.
When You are ready, God, remove the scales from eyes and let me recongize my husband.
