Ask any man who I've gone out with on more than 2 dates, and he'll tell you an intimate secret about me:I can't burp.
I simply don't know how.
My mother never taught me.
She isn't that kind of Mom.
Instead, all I get are these awkward, involuntary deep "growls," which manage to do their thing when I'm sitting closely beside him, my mouth inconveniently somewhat near his ear, this usually being when my head is resting on his shoulder during a movie or something.
It's awful.
The first couple of times it happens, I hope he doesn't notice.
The next few times, I try to cough to cover up the noise.
But eventually, there's no denying it. We have to talk about it. Because...what the heck is that sound?!
It's so embarrassing.
And when I try to explain my inability to burp, it doesn't make sense to him. And so he tries to teach me. And I try to learn...because who wants to growl when you're not angry? But, despite many men's attempts, this girl still doesn't know how to. :-(
Guys are born with a natural ability to know how to burp. They're so lucky, and I'm a wee bit jealous when I see one burp satisfactorily after a big gulp of soda or something. How do they do it?
Tonight I've been growling like a lion, since my stuffy nose is causing me to ingest too much air and it all has to come back up.
Another inability I have: blowing up balloons. I can't blow up a balloon to save my life. Sure, I know you're supposed to stretch out the balloon a few times and lock your lips over the rubber in some sort of fashion, but I just can't get the darn thing to inflate. :-(
How's that for irony?
