Monday, October 31, 2011

Be Still, Know that I Am, and...Enjoy!

Oh, God, how you amaze me.  Oh, God, how you keep me guessing!  :) 

I thought, when I began this blog, that it would be entitled "Praying for a Mother's Heart," and that I would put with it a pretty picture of a pregnant woman's belly, explaining to you, dear reader, how I feel quite certain that before I can become pregnant, I must have a mother’s heart. 

I would explain to you that, unfortunately, I am still selfish – and this is probably the greatest hindrance to the growth and development of my vocation.  And then I would ask you to pray for me, dear reader!  Please!

Indeed, I have been praying for more selflessness -- and for God to form my heart to be more motherly so that He may deem me more willing and ready (although certainly never worthy) of having a child.

But after church yesterday during quiet time of adoration, I felt Jesus tell me something different than what I had been thinking on my own and in my own words of prayer.  Yes, the God of the Universe does that kind of thing sometimes!  :)  He surprises us with His majesty and omniscient perspective, leaving us with our mouths wide open by the revelation of it all.

His response to me brought instant peace, and His words were beautiful and simple and true.

He told me that this time is reserved in a special way for just Michael and me.  He, the God of the Universe, reserved it for us.  It is for us to enjoy this sacrament of marriage, to grow in love, to grow in virtue, to grow in joy, and to make memories that will be ours especially.  This precious time together, alone as ourselves, will never quite be the same again, if we are to be blessed by children.  It is a treasure to be grasped at! 

And, oh my goodness, He is soooo right!  I want nothing further right now than to better discover and love the man I married.  Who wants to have her nose planted in a pregnancy book when she could instead learn more about her soul mate and enjoy walking with him on the journey laid out before us?

Why obsess over squinting through the binoculars, trying to see what is ahead on our journey but missing out on that which we are walking by right now

Right now there is beauty all around us on the path we tread; there are memories we're making, hilarity that's ensuing, favorites to remember, faith to share with one another, a privacy to treasure, and an intimacy that is growing deeper between us every day.

Yes, I rather enjoy the little flowers we are passing as we walk.  This is not a time for sharing with the world, but rather for treasuring in private. 

And there's no place I'd rather be than with him, right here as we are.  :)

Thank you, Jesus, for this revelation...and for this gift.