Sunday, August 19, 2012

What Kind of Metal Do You Wear?

To continue with the musings of my previous blog entry... Why, oh why, dear reader, am I so obsessed with yellow gold?

I used to HATE yellow gold.  Now I adore it.  In the last 2 years, I've become downright crazy about it.  So much so, in fact, that I want only the real stuff.  And I don't care one bit about the fact that it isn't flattering to my pale skin tone.  Crazy!

Is this because of my age?  Is this because of my hormones?

Back in 2007 in a previous blog that I used to keep, I wrote about what types of people choose to wear certain types of metals.  I think it's worth republishing here.  So here you go.  Enjoy.  It's kind of ridiculous, but it was fun to write.  Please pardon my previous use of all lower-case letters.  And do tell me if I'm right.  :)

back in the day, Alexander Graham Bell invented the first metal detector to locate metallic compounds even when they were hidden from the human eye.

while the merits of a modern metal detector are well-known, the limits of this device can be transgressed by the interpretation of our eyes. 

in other words, while the machine may detect that which we cannot, we can detect subtleties that the machine is not capable of. 

let’s examine this phenomenon in a anthropologic setting. 

specifically, i will suggest that you can tell a lot about a person just by the kind of metal they wear.

different kinds of metals have different associations and can point toward the outlook and value system of the individual in question.

first, let me clarify:  if “wearing metal” to you means wearing a judas priest t-shirt, you’re either a poser or a genuine loser.  minimal cerebral dexterity is needed to draw this irrefutable conclusion.

but if the metal you wear is platinum, i’ll guess that you’re either terribly wealthy, terribly in love, or perhaps a combination of both.  this is because the words “expensive” and “forever” are often associated with this metal.

those who sport copper are usually hoping for better health.  (strangely, this desire is often mixed with an appreciation for mexican or south american textiles.)

if you’re wearing stainless steel, it’s most likely in the form of a body piercing, and your skin--i’m guessing--is probably pale and white.

if you’re wearing silver, you’re either native american, mexican, or white.
and if you’re wearing yellow gold, i’ll take a gander that you are either:

  • above 50 years of age,

  • considered “conservative” for your age,


  • african-american.

so why is this?

a little study of geography and science reveals that this innate attraction to certain metals is, in fact, biological.  it’s in our genes.  and it comes from our ethnic origins.

according to an online periodic table of the elements, two-thirds of all gold (Au) in the world comes from ores in south africa.  so it’s natural that the black person should like it!

ores of silver (Ag), on the other hand, are found in north and south america, thus explaining why native americans and mexicans pile on large quantities of silver jewelry.

the world’s largest deposit of copper (Cu) is located in chile, thus explaining why copper jewelry wearers also seem to like south american textiles.

stainless steel body jewelry is usually only appreciated by whites, and perhaps this is because this rust-resistant metal was born in europe, home to the pale-skinned anglo.

as i reflect upon my research, the only thing i cannot account for is why yellow gold is preferred by the conservative white woman at 50+ years. i can find no justification for it at all!