Saturday, October 17, 2009

Pass Me By

I used to joke that my social butterfly wings ought to be clipped.

I think I said it because I figured that I ought to slow down, get good rest, and not spread myself so thin between so many people.

But now my wings really have been clipped, and the result feels horrible.

I'm nothing like I used to be. I find myself completely unmotivated to see anyone. Why bother?

Why bother to invest even a sliver more of myself into some new random guy? Why bother to put together a cool outfit for him? Maybe I've dated too much or something. The whole experience is boring to me and only sucks the life out of me.

And why bother to call up a girl friend? She's got her man already anyhow. And why travel to visit the single ones that live far away? Packing for a weekend only leaves me exhausted when the weekend's over.

I just feel absolutely done with it all. I know what happens after the initial warm fuzzies fade. I know how I invest, and I know how I get hurt.

I need to scream it from the mountaintops in order for you to listen to me: I'm just not date-able right now.

I squeeze my eyes closed and hope that my lonesome weekends quickly pass me by.