It makes me wonder if I won't ever be able to fully express this emotion of thanksgiving until I am in Heaven, looking into the eyes of my Beloved God one day. This makes me sad because I hate to have Him wait.
I want to thank Him fully right now!! But, even in His majesty, our God also embodies the virtue of being humble--because it is as if He is not asking for anything from me, other than for me to live...and love Him while I do.
I have certainly felt able to express with this body all the sorrow I've experienced. I can pour out tears by the bucketful. I have writhed in the pain of lonesomeness on my Prayer Room floor. I have experienced nausea from devastation, I have lost my breath due wailing, and I have fallen asleep from being weary.
But how do I express this utter happiness and joy?
I tried but cannot leap up to the sky as I would like to, nor can I shine out light from my body, which I think would please Him. It is as if I want to make music, but not the kind that we listen to here on Earth.
There is something beautiful I want to express, and I am searching for how I can express it!
And even then, He is shielding me from the full feeling and understanding of my joy, just as He shields us from this understanding of Him in the Blessed Sacrament. If we truly understood the joys He has given us with Himself in the Eucharist, our heads would surely pop off! And we would get nothing accomplished on Earth because we would be in Adoration all day long! And Perpetual Adoration is, after all, what Heaven is!
Thank you, Jesus, for these emotions. Show me how best to express them!
